OK so that sounds quite a heavy title for a post but hopefully it won’t be as heavy as all that!
Over the past couple of weeks in counselling we have chatted around issues of ‘core beliefs’ some of my core beliefs being that I am useless, stupid, ugly, no one likes me, unable to do anything, the list could go on! Pretty much all my core belief’s are negative. As if you needed to know that!
She said that core beliefs are really set during childhood, we develop our core beliefs through what our parents & other influential adults tell us and then they are set and it becomes difficult to change them.
So what about the evidence based belief part of this? Well my counsellor was saying that when we have core beliefs we always look for evidence that supports those core beliefs and dismiss evidence that doesn’t support them, so for example, I see myself as stupid, I build this belief up by looking for all the evidence to support it, when I don’t know the answers to the things people ask or I cant solve a problem etc and dismiss all the clever things I manage to do, when I manage to solve problems or sort things out for myself or for others. Yep that about sums me up!
How else can someone who as a Transport Manager was head hunted on more than one occasion because they thought I was good at the job manage to decide that he is stupid? Quite simply, I dismiss others belief that I am pretty good at it by saying they don’t really know me, etc.
Anyhow, you can see how this whole issue swims round and round in circles, for me I am working very hard on trying to correct some of my core beliefs because I know that others do not share the same view of me that I share of myself, as has been evidenced by some of the things they say and the way that they have spoken about me, I must dig out that list of positive things people spoke about/over me a few months back.
Having gone through my childhood believing that I was useless, ugly, stupid etc I have carried those beliefs into adult life and perfected the belief in my own mind so it takes a lot to over come those beliefs and I need to constantly look for and validate the evidence that supports the opposite views to those that I have thus far believed. After all, as my wife regularly says, do I want to believe the things that my parents said about me when I was a child (and my mother continues to say to this day) or will I believe the things that those who are nearest to me and who love me most say about me? Well there is no contention really when you put it like that BUT life is never quite as easy, its not a matter of flicking a switch and hey presto your mind set has changed.
OK now for the other part of this post, hadn’t intended to write most of the above! What I really wanted to say was, it occurred to me earlier today that the vast majority of people, even those who are highly educated and respected leaders in the field of science, can and do fall into the trap of developing core beliefs then looking for evidence to support their belief rather than looking at all the evidence before forming a belief, indeed it would be pretty impossible to do the latter as the evidence sometimes changes over time.
So, for example, many years ago people believed that the world was flat and the whole of their world view was based in the belief that the world was flat, they never challenged this because all the evidence (that the found) pointed to the world being flat, it took a lateral thinker to challenge this assumption and re-define the whole way we saw the world when he discovered that the world was actually a globe, can you imagine what it would be like if we still thought the world was flat?
There are still those who don’t believe that smoking causes any health problems, these people will point to the evidence of great uncle bob or granddad who at the age of 90+ is still going strong and has smoked 40 a day fro most of their life, indeed if you look only at this evidence you can see why people come to the conclusion that smoking cant be that bad for you, but that is to dismiss the huge number of deaths each week from the effects of smoke, lung cancer etc.
Another example might be the pro & anti Europe camps in this country, those who are anti Europe will look for all the beurocratic decisions all the stupid rules, the costs to us as a nation of being a part of the community whereas those who believe we should be in Europe will look at all the benefits, the grants we receive the good laws that come out of Europe (at which point the euro sceptics say what good laws?) the investment and security the EU offers us, oh and before you ask, I am pretty neutral on the issue of Europe!
When is comes to faith, religious beliefs, we all have a faith, whether we acknowledge it or not, and our faith usually provides the basis of our world view, for some their faith is a belief on God, in some form or another, for others it is a belief that there is no God, whichever camp you fall into I can guarantee that you look for the evidence to support that belief rather than looking at the evidence that exists to see what it tells you, your thought patterns are affected by your belief system.
As a Christian I freely admit that I look for, and see, evidence of God’s creative work in every day life, I can see the way that he has created and written DNA into every living thing, the way that he made the planet to be such a beautiful place, the way that he made everything good.
Of course those who are evolutionists will point to the glaciers and carbon dating and various other aspects of the world to show how clear it is that the world was formed out of a big bang and we are all evolved from microscopic beings, or whatever is their particular conviction of how we came to be.
The evidence on any side can and will be overwhelming to the people who hold to that particular belief.
So, who can claim to have THE answers and know the truth? Well I believe that the truth can only be known separate from the ‘evidence’ and comes out of an inner evidence, as a Christian I have had a personal encounter with God and know from my inner evidence that he exists and that there is truth to be discovered, however I can not provide you the reader with evidence that will sway you because you will filter all the evidence based on your pre-conceived views and beliefs.
Many people who have grown up with an abusive father have struggled with the concept of God as Father, until recently, well the past couple of years, I would have denied this was me, I could relate to the concept of God as father, but the truth is that I still had a wrong perception, I have always believed that I pretty much sneaked into the kingdom, I wasn’t actually chosen, at the meeting where I went forward to give my life to God I was just one of a number of people and I have always felt that when I stood there God looked at me and just said ‘oh you came forward too did you? OK I will let you in’ this view was really due to the relationship I had with my parents in growing up, always feeling as if I was just tolerated rather than loved, not wanted but there, not being kicked out but still not really being welcomed as a valued part of the family. This mind set has been really clear in the way I have felt about going through the depths of depression over the past couple of years.
Are there issues where you filter evidence through your own belief system rather than filter your belief system through all the evidence open to you? I know that there are still definitely areas that I need to work on, areas where I still believe things and stack the evidence in support of that belief. Mainly for me in relation to my perception of myself, but bit by bit I am dismantling my belief system in an effort to rebuild it on the security of all the evidence available.
The following is the text of an e-mail I have received in response to this blog post, Mike (the author) is a photographer who's blog I have been following with some interest over the past few months, He lives in the same area as me and I am hoping to get out with him so that he can teach me camera techniques and help me improve my photography skills. As he says, his response is too long a comment to have left directly on my blog so he chose to e-mail it to me, I am copying it into the end of the original post because it adds soem very thought provoking ideas to my original post, if you wish to find out more about Mike he can be found on his own website here.
Well, as you'll have now discovered, I've stumbled across your blog.
That's what you get for posting a link to it on Twitter! Heh heh.
Anyway, I wrote this *huge* comment to one of your posts only to find that blogspot wouldn't accept it cos it had "too many characters". A bit reluctant to then just consign it to the recycle bin, thought I'd email it to you. Do with it what you will.
Here 't is...
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Well, I've now returned the favour and bookmarked your blog ;)
Discovered through one of your tweets, and rather pleased about it I am too for this is a fascinating post. Most thought-provoking. And one with which I can only too easily identify. That's to say, the opening paragraphs.
I don't think I've ever phrased it to myself in quite such terms but for as long as I can remember I've always had an awareness that my perception of myself is very frequently at odds with the perception of me that others appear to hold. And generally the latter tends to be rather more positive than the former.
Which in effect, if I've understood you correctly, is pretty much the same as you're saying.
Perhaps I should qualify that for I'm not entirely happy with the terms "positive" and "negative", in the sense that "positive" could be taken to imply "good" or "nice" or whatever, and that's not quite what I meant.
More accurate perhaps would be to say that others' perceptions of my abilities and competencies frequently appear kindlier than my own.
What I'd not connected this disparity with however was the influence my early years viz parents etc may have had in the forming of my self-perception.
Its a fascinating and persuasive notion, and one to which I can see myself giving considerable thought.
But leaving that aside, you then go on to talk of people falling "into the trap of developing core beliefs then looking for evidence to support their belief rather than looking at all the evidence before forming a belief" and, as you rightly observe, in some circumstances it would be almost impossible to do otherwise.
This too set me to thinking. About the statement itself, and about the assumption implicit in the statement, which becomes much clearer with your closing remark. An assumption, moreover, that I suspect we all tend to make... that "evidence" is in some fashion more valid than "belief".
Particularly if we're equating validity with "closeness to the truth".
("Closeness to the facts"? Hmm. Even a statement as apparently simple as this raises profound questions.)
But I wonder if such an assumption is justified?
Here's a few random thoughts...
Can "evidence" be said to exist "in isolation" as it were? Or does it not, rather, derive its status from the interpretation we put upon it?
Even to the extent of deciding which factors are relevant and therefore constitute "evidence" and which factors should be discarded as irrelevant?
Is it not possible that the whole notion of "evidence" is little other than a product of our own perception of "reality"? And if so, would that not actually render it, paradoxically, a product of belief?
It seems to me that the attraction of restructuring (or attempting to
restructure) one's life upon "the evidence" in preference to core beliefs resides in the assumption that in some way "the evidence" is more accurate, more truthful, or more representative of "reality" (or however you wish to express it) than belief may be.
Yet, as you so rightly observe, "evidence sometimes changes over time".
Thus, how would we know, were we to structure our lives upon the evidence available today, that such evidence wouldn't change (or, more pertinently, even be proven wrong by the discovery of more complete evidence for example) tomorrow?
And if there is an "absolute reality" and the evidence available to us at any given time can only ever be reflective of our circumscribed knowledge and/or understanding of that absolute reality and therefore (and inevitably) incomplete, how wise can it be to structure our lives upon such an incomplete (and possibly completely mistaken) basis?
(Bringing this principle right back down to "our own doorstep", how can others' perceptions of us constitute any form of reliable evidence when their knowledge of us is far less complete than our own?)
Is it even possible to attempt such an undertaking? How would we know, for example, that we have all the available evidence at our disposal?
Could it not be that actions based on partial evidence may be more erroneous than actions based purely on belief?
And in fact would those actions themselves not be based upon belief...
the belief that we have all the available evidence at our disposal?
Dilemmas indeed!
I think the thing I find most worrying about this is the sense that an "evidence-based life" (for want of a better term) hints of a very mechanistic (one might almost say materialistic) approach, and seems to allow little room for "movements of the Spirit".
And that, so it seems to me, goes against the available evidence of what humans actually are, or how they live their lives in reality.
There's another paradox for you!
I doubt if any reasonable person would argue with the notion that certain things are susceptible of being decided upon the basis of the evidence. One example you've used is that of the harmful effects of smoking.
I can't imagine any reasonable person (even smokers) disputing that smoking can be (and generally is) seriously injurious of health. And such a conclusion is based purely upon the available evidence alone.
However, such examples don't (so it seems to me) necessarily or even logically lead to the inference that everything should be (or needs to
be) evidence-based.
Let's return to the matter of perceptions of self... one's own and those of others.
In my own particular case, were I to "buy into" the evidence offered by other peoples' perceptions of my abilities in certain areas then its distinctly conceivable that my efforts to improve in those areas would be significantly less than efforts based upon my own perception of such abilities.
In other words, its entirely conceivable that one's own lesser perceptions of oneself can be the motivation to strive to improve. And surely that is a good thing. Isn't it?
My own "spiritual path" (which, as you may have realised by now, goes by a somewhat different name to yours... though I tend not to place too much significance upon mere labels) demands of me a constant striving, which effort can only ever be based upon my own perception of myself and my shortcomings. Were I to allow it to be otherwise then its entirely conceivable that such striving wouldn't be anywhere near as rigorous.
Or so I believe ;)
And (returning to an earlier point) should validity even be equated to "closeness to the truth"? How can we ever know what such "truth" is (in any absolute sense) when it must forever be filtered through (or coloured by... whichever you prefer) our exclusively human perceptions? Would it not then make more sense to equate validity to relevancy?
And if relevancy be that which has the greatest potential for impacting our lives, or actually does impact and motivate us to the greater extent, then it seems to me that belief is far more valid than evidence.
Hmm. I've just re-read everything I've written and it strikes me as sounding somewhat challenging. Its not intended in that way. Its all just speculation reflective of my own virtually constant uncertainty about... oh... almost everything. Apart from my core beliefs of course
I recently, through a Twitter friend, discovered a company called www.moo.com who are a UK based company who produce novel business cards, they are offering a free sample of 10 free business cards, as a way of introducing their company to people, this is an absolutely no catches free FREE offer, you don’t even have to pay for postage! I know because I have ordered, and received, some.
What’s so different about their cards I hear you say, well, on the one side, where you put your traditional contact details etc, there is space for a photo or logo, but the clever, and unique, bit is that on the back you can have photo’s not only can you have photo’s but you can have each card printed with a different photo if you wish, so I have had this sample of 10 cards printed up with 10 different photo’s on them! Pretty cool, the cards are of fantastic quality and the speed of production is incredible! I ordered mine on Wednesday evening and they arrived this morning (Friday!) which is really good especially bearing in mind that I have not parted with a penny for the privilege, this company has a huge amount of confidence in their product, and rightly so! I would have no hesitation in recommending them to anyone, if you want to have your own free sample, so you don’t have to take my word for it, then follow this link.
They do also have a US site, follow the link from the top of the UK site, but I don’t have a clue whether they offer the same deals there, you would have to check it out for yourself.
They do packs of 50 cards for £12.99 and also do postcards, greeting cards and more, take a look at their site.
OH by the way, they are not paying me a penny to promote their site, although I would not turn down an offer for some additional free cards by way of appreciation of my positive write-up!!
OK so I went back to the garage on Tuesday with our van, they had arranged, as promised, a courtesy car, I had expected a FIAT 500, which reminds me of a VW Beetle that’s shrunk in the wash so was really surprised when they supplied me with a Nissan Quashkai, which is a very nice car, was a pretty decent spec as well, the only problem I had to give it back, mind you its not big enough to accommodate the 4 of us and Steven’s wheelchair!
Anyhow, the vehicle ended up taking a lot longer to sort than had been expected so couldn’t pick it up until, Thursday morning, this time it was complete and in good working order, they had also cleaned it into the bargain.
So, as far as the dealer goes, all is well that ends well, they came up with the kind of service expected.
However it does still leave a serious issue in my mind over FIAT Ducato Vans, should a vehicle less than 3 years old with only 40,000 miles on the clock (not to mention the fact that it is designed as a commercial vehicle and is receiving a fraction of the wear usage and abuse that a commercial vehicle is normally subjected to) have 2 wheel bearings AND a centre bearing go? I think not! This is a serious failure on the part of FIAT, made worse by the fact that, for some bizarre reason wheel bearings are not covered under the extended warranty, what dot eh extended warranty company know that they are not telling us? In a sense its not a big deal to me as the cost is being picked up by Motability but it does point to a serious fault with the vehicle and to my mind if its not covered under warranty it’s a fault they anticipate so, as for our next vehicle, I don’t know yet what it will be but I know what it wont be, and it wont be a FIAT!
I thought it was too good to not share elswhere so here it is! It means that my f/book friends will get several copies but hey whats wrong with that? ------------------------------------------------------------------- I asked for strength that I might achieve, I was given patience that I might endure; I asked for health to do larger things, I was given wholeness that I might do better things; I asked for power that I might impress men, I was given prayer that I might seek God; I asked for wealth that I might be free from care, I was given understanding that I might be wiser than carefree. I asked for all things that I might enjoy life, I was given life that I might enjoy all things; I received nothing I asked for. I received more than I ever hoped for. My prayer was answered. I am blessed.
It’s a few days now since I did it but at the end of last week I achieved something that I am really proud of, I decorated Nat’s bedroom, Ok so maybe not the most earth shattering achievement you might think! And to some its nothing special.
Originally when we got the paint the idea was that we were going to take up an offer, by Chris & Hannah, to decorate her room for us, it was a very generous offer on their part and we were grateful for it, however when it came to look at obvious dates etc to do the decorating it became apparent that we would do well to take advantage of Steven being in respite the back end of last week, to decorate, as we could put Nat into his room for the duration, we would have used the weekend but it turned out to be a busy weekend, with a BBQ on the Saturday afternoon and a church picnic on the Sunday afternoon so there was no way we could do it then! That meant that we couldn’t take Chris & Hannah up on their offer as they would be at work when we needed to decorate, or at least Hannah would for definite, which is why I ended up doing the decorating, whether I liked it or not.
I spent basically all day Thursday and Friday morning painting and a couple of hours Friday afternoon putting up her border and then I spent 3 hours Monday putting together a bed that was supposed, according to the instructions, to take just 1 hour! OK I wasn’t rushing but I wasn’t moving that slow.
I am pleased partly because we have given her room a completely new makeover, with paints, curtains and bedding all that she chose, and all complementing the lamp shade she chose the other week.
We also got her a new bed a space saving ‘Cabin Bed’ and are awaiting delivery of her new, matching wardrobe, before we can complete the job.
OK so still not got a clue why this is so earth shattering? Well in short its because I managed to paint her room, and I have had a pretty acute paint phobia! The reasons for the phobia are complex and it would be inappropriate to go into details on here but believe me this is a real achievement which goes way beyond the physical effort required to decorate.
So, in short yes I am pleased at the results, Nat loves her new look room and rightly so because it looks great, IMHO, but also I managed to face one of my big phobias to tackle the job.
So I am sorry that I deprived Chris and Hannah of the opportunity to do the decorating but at the same time I am really glad that I did manage to do it myself because it has given me something to be really proud of, being able to say that I managed to achieve it on my own gives me a real sense of achievement and ‘moving on’ in life.
OK well, I have to say that I am impressed at the speed with which Glyn Hopkinsacted, following me putting the blog post up I sent an e-mail to the customer feedback e-mail address I saw on the door of the showroom, including a link to the blog post! Rather cruel I know!
Well the After Sales Director, picked up on my e-mail and replied to me at 6.15 this morning, I hasten to add I didn’t get the e-mail till much later. He said eh was going to look into the situation and someone would get back to me, I then had a call mid morning from the branch service manager who apologised for the problems and offered to book the vehicle in for next week with a courtesy car being provided until my vehicle is back on the road, with no expectation that I will be back the same day, they have booked the car out to us for 3 days, but its not likely to take as long as that.
Additionally when it is due service they will arrange for it to be collected from home and dropped back after the work has been carried out. So different to what I had got up till now, obviously there are still the questions over whether the number of visits to the workshop were absolutely necessary, both in terms of whether all the work needed doing and also in whether they could have diagnosed the other faults at the same time but hey we cant turn the clock back and they are making the right noises, as well as assuring me that there are reasons, wont go into it, as to why they couldn’t have picked up on the further faults etc so we will let it rest there, still not convinced that the vehicle should be developing these kinds of faults at this stage in its life which reflects my feelings towards FIAT.
One of my favourite sayings, from my days as a Transport Manager, was always that I like to judge a company not on whether or not they have problems, anyone can have problems and many of them are outside of your control, the issue is not about not having problems but in how you deal with the problems as they come up, yesterday I would have rated Glyn Hopkinsabout 2 in that area, today I would say about 8, cant go any higher simply because the problems could have been dealt with better yesterday without the need to escalate matters higher but hey we are moving forward and that’s good, for the time being at least I am a happy customer of Glyn Hopkinsand hopefully that’s the way it will remain.
So, over all a BIG thumbs up to Glyn Hopkins. And a huge thank you to Paul, After Sales Director, for being so proactive and speedy in responding to this problem and thank you to Stuart, Branch Service Manager for being so helpful and understanding earlier on the phone.
We have had our vehicle (a FIAT Ducato) from new, for 2Yrs 8Months and it has done 40,000 miles, which considering it is a commercial vehicle (Transit sized vehicle) and is only being used pretty lightly loaded, its had a pretty easy life.
We have this vehicle as an adapted (wheelchair accessible) vehicle, supplied by Motability, including finance from the charity section to cover costs not covered by the normal hire agreement, it is ours for 5 years, which means we have a little under 2 ½ years left.
So, can anyone tell me why it has had to go into Glyn Hopkins in Milton Keynes twice so far, with the same symptoms? Apparently the first time it was the centre bearing on the drive shaft, but after they had replaced that it didn’t make any difference to the noise coming from the running gear which was then diagnosed as an ‘additional fault’ of the wheel bearing, and now I have it back they are telling me the other wheel bearing needs doing!! But as they don’t carry stock of anything it will have to take a 3rd trip to the garage, I hasten to add NOT Glyn Hopkins.
I have so far had to journey to Glyn Hopkins 3 times, first time was for the engineer to diagnose the fault then twice to have the 2 different faults rectified.
Now it wouldn’t have been such a major issue had it not been for the fact that the dealer is actually some 25 Miles from where we live, in Milton Keynes. This is compounded and made worse by the fact that they wont supply me with a courtesy car so that I can go there come back and then pick it up the next day, they will only let me have a car if I return it the same day, or at least by 8am the next day! Not really on, hence I have opted to waste, err spend, the day in CMK and collect the car at the end of the job, which today was quite late because they had some sort of trouble, I think it is just that they were too busy!!
I am frustrated that having had 2 full days wasted (spent) in CMK they are telling me that I still need to go back and it cant wait until October when the Service & MOT are due so I will have to fit in another trip and then back again for the same kind of performance when it is due for a service.
I am also frustrated because essentially the job they did first time round, stripping down to do the centre bearing axle, I am told, was pretty much the same as what they had to do to sort the wheel bearing out and then will have to do it all over again to do the other wheel bearing! And this could have been avoided if they had held the parts in stock instead of having to wait a week to get them in.
You would have thought that a FIAT dealer would hold stocks of FIAT parts wouldn’t you? well apparently not! As an ex-transport manager I would have been livid at the kind of incompetence being displayed by this dealer as the numerous taking apart and reassembling all adds to the labour cost, and increases the downtime over all. It seems pretty basic mechanics to me that if one wheel bearing is gone you check the other to make sure that’s OK as they have both done the same amount of mileage and wear and tear in exactly the same conditions and at the same time, therefore isn’t there a chance, if one is naff enough to have packed up so soon so might the other? Or am I being too simplistic?
Fortunately I am off work at the moment, sick, so its not costing me loss of earnings or downtime for my employer but had I been working it would have been so frustrating that I would effectively have lost 3 days work as a result of their incompetence and inability to stock items.
On the grounds of their inability to fully diagnose faults first, or even second, time around and the fact that I waste a full day every time I take the vehicle into them I am pretty certain that I will not be returning to Glyn Hopkins to do any further work. I have to say that to date I don’t care much for the other FIAT dealers in the area as they don’t give very good customer service but this seems to be pretty standard for FIAT dealers? At least the dealer in Northampton will let me take a Courtesy Car home and return it the next day, after the vehicle is fixed and when I am able to get back across, it wouldn’t be so bad if Glyn Hopkins could offer to collect and return the car for us so that at least we don’t have to do that journey each time. By October of course, when its due MOT & Service, I will hopefully be well back into work so to loose a day then just isn’t fair on work, especially after the length of time I have had off work.
I will also not be replacing this vehicle with another FIAT when it is due for renewal, if a commercial vehicle can have problems with wheel bearings, on both sides, and a centre bearing, all on a vehicle significantly less than 3 years old and having done just over 40,000 miles then it really isn’t up to much is it!
The frustration for us is that when we were considering which vehicle to go for, this was offered to us but we were advised to check that the local FIAT dealer could service commercial vehicles, which we did, in Bedford there WAS a FIAT dealer and we checked with them, explaining why we were checking, and they said yes they could do it, sadly what they didn’t tell us was that they would not be doing FIAT for much longer, within a month of us signing the contract, before we even took delivery, they stopped doing FIAT and we had to choose between MK &N Northampton fro servicing, not really very helpful is it?
I hope that FIAT & Glyn Hopkins like the advertising I am providing them, it is all free of course I will make no charge for this advertising and I am willing to have your comments go up in response to this posting! IF you can find a way to justify the standard of customer care and explain why so many faults on such a new vehicle.
Moan off my chest now to get on with the rest of my life, will call Motability some time next week to see what can be done about getting it serviced by someone more reliable and nearer to home! I Don’t hold out much hope though!
Yes! Guess who is boored! Sitting in Costa's CMK having just had a çoffee, rather boored with wandering round the shopping centre pretending to be interested in stuff that I cant afford to buy! Waiting for my car to be ready for collection, going to be another hour+ apparently! Not good!
I am starting to write this post quite late at night just to occupy my brain (what brain I hear you say!) for a while but will drop off to sleep soon so will have to pick up from where I left off tomorrow.
OK so 4th July might not be a special day in the UK, but for our US cousins it certainly is, it’s the day they celebrate their independence (from us I believe, so why we wish them a happy independence day I am not too sure!) anyhow, we spent this 4th July in Skegness of all places!
We went for a trip to the seaside! Normally these days we go to Felixstowe if we want a day trip to the seaside, because it takes just over 2 hours to get there, Skeg is about 2hr 45 minutes, we used to go to Cromer a lot but found that was too long (at 2hrs 30m) now we have kids, we have also been to wonderful Hunstanton but never been to Skeg, would not have normally considered it but we have a good friend who resides (hope you like how posh I make it sound Sue!) in Lincolnshire, we got to know her at Grapevine many years ago and have seen her there every year except for last year (she normally stewards) she had a wedding to attend last year so was not able to make it, this year we have made the decision not to go ourselves, personal reasons largely centred around my health and the fact that we just feel its too much to cope with for us and the kids now they are getting that bit older, maybe in a few years time we might give it a try again, but then we were also not impressed with various aspects of the event over the past couple of years, except that as we stop going they seem to have started gearing up more for disabled facilities! Ironic I know!
Anyhow, having not seen Sue for almost 2 years and no signs of when we might see her we had arranged to meet at Skeg, which we duly did, the journey there was a little frustrating because the roads are pretty slow anyhow and it wasn’t helped by 2 major roads along our rote being closed, requiring fairly lengthy diversions on slower roads, and the re-awakening of my navigation skills with the map (Sat Nav works fine until there are unexpected road closures and it certainly had not expected this one!) just as well I can still read a map!
Anyhow, we got there in one piece and meet up with Sue, pretty easy to do actually, and headed onto the beach, the beach is flat and sandy, gritty sand but sand none the less, it was a beautiful day with lovely weather, it was a little cooler than it clearly has been inland but that’s no bad thing, some of us still managed to get sunburnt, we had a long time on the beach, punctuated by going off the beach for some lunch. And the kids have been so well behaved today, Nat was thoroughly entertained.
It was great to see Sue again and we chatted a fair bit, when Nat would let us!
Skeg was very busy but seemed to cope with the crowds, there were loads of takeaway kiosks and the like along, and just off, the front, as well as plenty amusements but there was little point in going spending money on amusements when the kids were happy to be on the beach.
We were impressed with the prices of food and drink in Skeg, large ice cream (probably the nicest whipped ice cream I have tasted in a long time) for 65p! would have cost about 1.30 in Bedford and other places we go!
Although we were less impressed with the car parking charges, £1 per hour and we were not even exempt from it because of the blue badges (disabled persons parking permit, as opposed to disabled badges, to the uneducated!) and the cost of spending a penny has been seriously impacted by rising inflation and credit crunches, it now costs 20p in Skeg, 20p come on what is that all about? They didn’t even have gold plated taps. There is no way that we do 20X as much wee as we used to when it only cost 1p, although I did my best to get my moneys worth when I did use the facilities, it was a bit of a surprise though for Joy who took Nat to the toilets, from our location on the beach, leaving her handbag with us, only to have to treck all the way back to get her 20p and go back again!
After our afternoon beach session we ‘bribed’ nat off the beach with the offer of a donkey ride, yes that’s right they have donkey rides on the beach, she was scared at first but by the end of the ride she was loving it, thanks in no small part to the way that Sue was in encouraging her to enjoy it, she has a real gift with our kids, or should I say she is a real gift for us with our kids? Time she relocated to Bedford I think J
Anyhow, after a very good day we drove back, much more straightforward this time as we were able to ensure our route didn’t take in the closed sections of road and there seemed to be less cars too.
We are please with both our kids, they did us proud today, being so well behaved and a real pleasure to take out for the day, we even got away with nat not askign to go on lots of rides during the day.
So, over all, Skeg is a really good seaside resort, there were plenty of things to occupy the kids had the weather not been so fantastic, the beach is level and sandy, which is ideal for us, although the sand is that fine gritty (sharp sand) type which isn’t quite so nice and its colour made it look a little dirty, but other than that the beach was good, plenty of space for the crowds.
Parking, well over priced but seemed to be plenty of it although with our 'cavy mobile' which is like a Transit van sized vehicle, the car park nearest the beach wasn’t accessible as there was a height limit, 1” below our height, didn’t want to chance the barrier, and the one we did go into the spaces and layout made it very tight so difficult to manoeuvre in and out of space and quite tight to get the kids in and out of the side door, we managed to get on the end of a row which made it easier. When will they learn that generally cars need more space these days than they did back in 1960 whenever it was that the standard car parking space was invented? There was also a totally inadequate number of disabled parking spaces so these were all taken by the time we got there.
Toilet facilities, done enough on that, the disabled toilets would have probably been too small to meet current regulations and were very tight, fortunately we do most of Steven’s changes in the car, the access to the toilet, turnstile barriers where you pay also mean that mums with buggy’s cant use them so I think most of them have acquired a Radar Key which didn’t help the length of queue at the disabled toilet.
Plenty of food outlets and places selling beach good and they all seemed reasonably priced and clean. And access generally was very good, didn’t like the wheelchair accessibility at McDonalds because they only had one route to the front door wide enough for wheelchair access and that was right next to the bike park so when, as happened, someone lays a bike down instead of standing it up the wheelchair access is totally lost! That’s a real bad point.
We would definatelly consider going back again some time but only really if it was too meet up with Sue or someone else as it is a bit of a treck from us, also nto realy suitable if yopu want a quiet and isolated beach, the amusements are located convenient to access but not in your face if you want to keep the kids from begging to go on every ride on offer.
I didn’t start writing this as a ‘report’ on the resort but perhaps I should have done, I might take up reviewing places we visit, particularly from our disability issue perspective, as it might be useful to other folk as well.
Following on from my last post, Graham O’Leary, a good friend of mine, posted the poem, he wrote it a couple of years ago but today was the first time I saw it, I have his permission to re-post it here:
I know the Light and I’ve seen the light I’ve walked in the light and it’s been good But there is darkness too And I’ve walked in that also, it’s not nice You know the lights there, but the darkness does not lift It fills you, permeates you, surrounds you, hugs you, kisses you It comforts you and keeps you wrapped in its arms
Oh yes you struggle, oh yes you try to reach for that light But reaching is all you can do, you can't quite grasp it on your own It’s always a spot on the horizon that you move towards But move towards it you do, sometimes fast, sometimes slow Depends how thick the darkness is that day, that moment, that minute It all depends on that, yet you long for the light You are desperate for the light, for it’s warmth, for its truth You remember the light, the feelings of freedom, The feelings that things have never been so good
But then night falls, slowly, uncaringly, without compromise You try to resist but you cannot, it falls in the middle of the day In the middle of the night, it falls even though you are in the light It does not care; you cannot stop it on your own, it just happens Darkness
So you look to those who have more light than you do The ones who claim to be at peace with the world The ones who say they have been sharpened by iron The ones who have gone up so many levels more than you Surely these fine men and women will help me? Surely all the things they say from the pinnacles they sit on, will bring me more light?
But in their light I see even more darkness, how, why is it this way? Instead of love I find judgment, condemnation, whispering, accusations Instead of hope I find rejection, responses that don’t match their fine words I hear failure, grow up, rise up, lift up, get up, and shut up! I hear new creation, child of God, over-comer, you must be sinning, denier of God’s power I watch them take sides, close ranks, the love I thought they had no longer extends to me And so the darkness grows, get’s thicker, compounded by the very people who have the light So they say? If they did, would they treat me this way?
I am a new creation, I love, I care, I believe, I need, I desire to. I just need help, a bit of understanding, a lump of longsuffering, a piece of gentleness a measure of forbearance, and a lot of grace as I walk through this valley of the shadow I need you to be my light, to guide me to my own light, I need someone to stand in the gap for me
But all I see is doors close, friends of longstanding no longer there, acceptance once had, now vanished It’s like I never existed, never did anything of value for them or anyone else It’s like the darkness has been saying all along “Let me embrace you till the end” Words forgotten, promises once given, removed Statements of love and support and affirmation, now silent We love you, we will help you, and you are part of our plans, echoes’ silent now
Actions most definitely do speak louder than words Yes I can say with certainty, actions do speak louder than words.
Let me feel the light once more Remove this darkness from me Just to lift my face to the sun again Can’t you help me? Please?
I may have said this here before but I think its worth repeating, I believe that the church and society generally have a couple of big taboo topics, one of these is Mental Illness, to admit that you have this in the church is like telling people that you are demon possessed.
Get real guys, these things can and do affect people in our congregation whether we like it or not.
I have suffered severe depression (a form of mental illness if onyl people would admit it!) I and have also self harmed as a direct result of the depression I have suffered, and still do suffer, this is something that just wont go away, it is part of who I am and its part of my journey.
I want to be a real person, I want to be whole, of course I want to be whole but I also want to be real and denying that I have, or have had, these problems doesn’t make me either real or whole.
I recently came across a charity, based in America, called ‘to write love on her arms’ the story behind the charity is so powerful and has touched me pretty deeply, I challenge you to watch this video and not be moved by it.
All too often we can shrug off the fact that someone hurts themselves, tries to commit suicide or cuts etc, and say they are just attention seeking, other who take drugs, how often do we just look down on them but we need to get alongside such people and write love on their hearts as well as their arms, show them true compassion and true love and show them that there is another way forward.
I am fortunate to have a good and very strong wife along with some really good loyal, strong, lovely friends who have able to carry me through what is without doubt the toughest couple of years of my adult life, I am on a journey, still on a journey, of discovery and healing, healing from the past and discovery of new things to come, but this journey would have been so much harder without the love care and support of a group of dedicated friends who have loved me through it.
Others are not so fortunate and this is where TWLOHA comes in, they are encouraging people to do this for others, to get alongside them and journey with them, I want to encourage you, TWLOHA don’t work in this country (yet) but we don’t need to be a part of a group or have a title to do this, just look around you, you don’t have to look far to find people who are hurting and who need this love in their lives, I challenge you to write love on her arms (and in her heart) anywhere you find her, or him.
Please visit their web site for more info and if your in America and there is a project near you why not get involved?
Please note:
I have moved my blog, this blog will stay live for now and for a period some posts will be double entered but to remain up to date with my writing please visit my new blog, which can be found at: www.cavanagh.me I look forward to your continued support over on my new blog.
David.
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