Darkness

Following on from my last post, Graham O’Leary, a good friend of mine, posted the poem, he wrote it a couple of years ago but today was the first time I saw it, I have his permission to re-post it here:

I know the Light and I’ve seen the light
I’ve walked in the light and it’s been good
But there is darkness too
And I’ve walked in that also, it’s not nice
You know the lights there, but the darkness does not lift
It fills you, permeates you, surrounds you, hugs you, kisses you
It comforts you and keeps you wrapped in its arms

Oh yes you struggle, oh yes you try to reach for that light
But reaching is all you can do, you can't quite grasp it on your own
It’s always a spot on the horizon that you move towards
But move towards it you do, sometimes fast, sometimes slow
Depends how thick the darkness is that day, that moment, that minute
It all depends on that, yet you long for the light
You are desperate for the light, for it’s warmth, for its truth
You remember the light, the feelings of freedom,
The feelings that things have never been so good

But then night falls, slowly, uncaringly, without compromise
You try to resist but you cannot, it falls in the middle of the day
In the middle of the night, it falls even though you are in the light
It does not care; you cannot stop it on your own, it just happens
Darkness

So you look to those who have more light than you do
The ones who claim to be at peace with the world
The ones who say they have been sharpened by iron
The ones who have gone up so many levels more than you
Surely these fine men and women will help me?
Surely all the things they say from the pinnacles they sit on, will bring me more light?

But in their light I see even more darkness, how, why is it this way?
Instead of love I find judgment, condemnation, whispering, accusations
Instead of hope I find rejection, responses that don’t match their fine words
I hear failure, grow up, rise up, lift up, get up, and shut up!
I hear new creation, child of God, over-comer, you must be sinning, denier of God’s power
I watch them take sides, close ranks, the love I thought they had no longer extends to me
And so the darkness grows, get’s thicker,
compounded by the very people who have the light
So they say? If they did, would they treat me this way?

I am a new creation, I love, I care, I believe, I need, I desire to.
I just need help, a bit of understanding, a lump of longsuffering, a piece of gentleness
a measure of forbearance, and a lot of grace as I walk through this valley of the shadow
I need you to be my light, to guide me to my own light, I need someone to stand in the gap for me

But all I see is doors close, friends of longstanding no longer there,
acceptance once had, now vanished
It’s like I never existed, never did anything of value for them or anyone else
It’s like the darkness has been saying all along “Let me embrace you till the end”
Words forgotten, promises once given, removed
Statements of love and support and affirmation, now silent
We love you, we will help you, and you are part of our plans, echoes’ silent now

Actions most definitely do speak louder than words
Yes I can say with certainty, actions do speak louder than words.

Let me feel the light once more
Remove this darkness from me
Just to lift my face to the sun again
Can’t you help me?
Please?